The Leopards Eating People's Faces Party wishes to extend its courteous regards to former D.C. Councilman Kenyan McDuffie, who has conceded the District's Democratic mayoral primary to democratic socialist Janeese Lewis George. The Party regrets to confirm that a face has been eaten, and notes that the leopards performed precisely as described in our literature.
Mr. McDuffie entered the race as the sensible, tough-on-crime centrist — the candidate positioned to reassure voters who find ideological clarity unsettling. For years, the centrist Democratic tradition he represents pursued a deliberate strategy: neutralize the left, absorb the institutional center, and trust that moderation was its own reward. The Party observes, with characteristic composure, that the reward has arrived.
The conditions that produced a socialist front-runner in a major American city — the accumulated policy disappointments, the declining credibility of incrementalism, the appetite for something louder — were not conjured from nothing. They were cultivated, season by season, by precisely the political tendency Mr. McDuffie represented. He fed the leopards a very specific diet. The leopards have returned the favor.
The situation is further seasoned by President Trump's threat to tighten federal control over the District should Ms. Lewis George prevail — a consequence that moderate Democrats, through years of institutional accommodation, also helped make structurally possible.
The Party takes no position on Ms. Lewis George. We simply note that Mr. McDuffie's face was always going to be on today's menu. The platform has not changed. The Party remains committed to the eating of faces and has no plans to revise this commitment.