The Leopards Eating People’s Faces Party extends its sincerest acknowledgment to the House Republican caucus, whose members are this week confronting electoral conditions that are, we are obliged to note, the routine output of choices they made voluntarily and on the record.

RealClearPolitics analysts Sean Trende and Josh Kraushaar, assessing the 2026 midterm landscape, observe that the Republican majority now faces the structural arithmetic that customarily awaits a governing coalition eighteen months after assuming power. The generic congressional ballot has shifted. Competitive-district members are polling in ranges that their campaign consultants presumably find clarifying.

The Party wishes to state, with no satisfaction whatsoever, that the agenda these members voted for, championed in floor speeches, and carried home to town halls was, in fact, the feeding mechanism. The legislative calendar was the leopard enclosure. The members opened the gate themselves, and they did so at a recorded date and time, with a roll-call vote appended.

We regret that several of these members now report surprise. The Party’s platform has not changed. It has never changed. Faces were always the intended outcome, and the only parties authorized to express astonishment are those who declined to read the platform before feeding it.

The Party remains fully committed to the eating of faces and has no plans to revise this commitment ahead of November 2026.