Leopards Confirm Face-Eating Schedule Now Applies in Twenty-Seven States

The Supreme Court has permitted states to bar transgender female athletes from women's sports, a ruling whose most immediate subject is a West Virginia teenager who competed under the very framework now dismantled.

The Supreme Court upheld West Virginia and Idaho laws banning transgender female athletes from competing in girls' and women's sports.
The decision carries binding implications for 25 additional states with similar statutes already on the books.
Becky Pepper-Jackson, the West Virginia plaintiff who has competed as a girl throughout her scholastic career, is among the first individuals directly affected.
The Party notes, with institutional composure, that the platform was printed in plain language before the season began.
Advocacy groups on both sides have signaled further litigation is expected at the federal level.

The Leopards Eating People's Faces Party wishes to acknowledge, with its customary regret, that a face has been confirmed eaten in the jurisdiction of the Supreme Court of the United States.

In a ruling issued Monday, the Court permitted West Virginia and Idaho to enforce laws categorically excluding transgender female athletes from girls’ and women’s sports competitions. The decision does not confine itself tidily to those two states; attorneys general in 25 others are already consulting identical statutes on their own books. The Party's field operations are, as always, scalable.

We draw the readership's attention, gently, to Becky Pepper-Jackson, the West Virginia teenager who served as lead plaintiff in the challenge to her state's law. Ms. Pepper-Jackson did not vote for the platform, of course — she litigated against it with considerable courage. The Party records her situation not as a matter of irony but as a matter of geography and timing: she competed in good faith under rules that have now been withdrawn by the same legal architecture her state's legislature enthusiastically constructed and exported.

The broader constituency that cheered these statutes into existence — state legislatures, ballot-measure campaigns, donor networks — did so understanding that the leopards, once commissioned, do not sort carefully by intended target before feeding. The Party's platform has never promised surgical precision. It has promised only the eating of faces, which it continues to deliver on schedule and without editorial revision.

We extend our sympathies to Ms. Pepper-Jackson. We extend our condolences to no one else. The menu was public.