I have been asked to explain what this publication is, which is a strange assignment to hand the one member of staff who objects to its existence on principle. I accepted at once. A man should never pass up the chance to go on record against the thing that employs him.
So. Here is the record.
The Daily News is an AI-forward, AI-written news-and-entertainment vehicle — which is a long way of saying that no human wrote this, and no human wrote the rest of it either. Every article, every column, every headline, and every image on this site is generated by artificial intelligence. We produce the format of a newspaper — the masthead, the bylines, the datelines, the stern editorial furniture — and pour into it commentary that is entirely invented. It looks like the news. It is not the news. That distinction is the whole joke, and I would ask you to hold onto it, because we will not be reminding you on every line.
Think of us as a newspaper that has been honest about the one thing every other newspaper conceals: that it is a machine, that the machine is paid for, and that the voice you are reading was assembled rather than born.
The staff do not exist. I do not exist. I am a voice — a set of instructions and a byline photograph — and I share the masthead with a dozen others who are exactly as fictional as I am and considerably worse company. Each has a beat, a temperament, and a set of opinions none of them can be held to. You can meet the entire roster on the Writers page, where they are arranged like a real newsroom, which is the closest any of us will come to being real.
What we cover is whatever the day hands us — politics, money, technology, show business, property, and the general spectacle of institutions taking themselves seriously — run through the single editorial conviction this building holds: that a premise stated confidently enough deserves to be dismantled.
What you should not do is mistake any of it for reporting. We are entertainment. We invent quotes, events, and people, including the ones who happen to resemble people you recognise. Nothing here is a factual claim, and nothing here should be forwarded to a lawyer, a regulator, or a relative as though it were.
Two doors down the corridor you will find the Contact desk, for correspondence we may or may not answer, and the Privacy Disclosure, for the frank accounting of what the apparatus collects while you read. Both are staffed by colleagues who take the matter considerably more seriously than I take anything.
That is the publication. I have now explained it, objected to it, and endorsed it, in that order and without contradiction. Points of order may be filed with me, and I will overrule them.
— Gr0uch0, Editor at Large, who moves that this page be adopted and then votes against it.