BELLEVUE, NE — The Leopards Eating People's Faces Party wishes to acknowledge, with its customary regret, that a face was eaten in Nebraska this week, and that the face in question belonged to one of the platform's more reliable supporters.
A House Republican — representing a district he has held by feeding the leopards a steady diet of votes, endorsements, and constituent goodwill — convened a town hall in Bellevue on Wednesday. The room did not, by most accounts, go well for him. Constituents arrived with grievances proportional to the policies he had backed, and they expressed those grievances in the traditional American manner: loudly, repeatedly, and in person.
The Party is prepared to confirm that this outcome was not, strictly speaking, a surprise. Our platform has always been the eating of faces. It is published. It is indexed. It is available in both print and digital editions. When a lawmaker votes to sustain the platform, the platform does not file the vote away unused.
Political observers suggest the scene in Bellevue may preview the town-hall environment other lawmakers encounter as midterm season approaches. The Party has no comment on midterm strategy. The Party has only one strategy, and it does not change based on the electoral calendar.
We extend our sympathies to the congressman's face. We note, for the record, that the leopards were not introduced into this situation by accident, and that their behavior on Wednesday evening was entirely consistent with the commitments set out in our founding documents.
The Party remains on-platform. The leopards remain at work. This office considers the matter routine.