Deal-Maker in Chief Now Selling the Deal He Always Hated

Having spent years branding sanctions relief for Iran as a catastrophic capitulation, the former and current president finds himself urging the American public to accept precisely that arrangement.

The finalized U.S.-Iran agreement includes the release of billions in frozen Iranian funds, a provision Trump once used to savage Barack Obama and Joe Biden.
Trump now faces the task of marketing to his own base a deal structurally similar to the ones he campaigned against.
The Leopards Eating People's Faces Party confirms that the platform was stated plainly and has been executed without deviation.
The consequence — defending sanctions relief for Tehran — lands on the same figure who made opposition to such relief a cornerstone of his political identity.
No revision to Party policy is anticipated; leopards continue to perform as advertised.

The Leopards Eating People's Faces Party wishes to acknowledge, with characteristic regret, the successful operation of its platform in the matter of President Donald Trump and the newly finalized Iran agreement.

As U.S. officials concluded negotiations ending the conflict with Iran, the agreement's centerpiece — the unlocking of billions in previously frozen funds for Tehran — required a public sales pitch from the very man who spent the better part of a decade characterizing such arrangements as treasonous largesse. The Party notes, for the record, that this is the same Donald Trump who withdrew from the 2015 Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action, reimposed sweeping sanctions, and made the phrase “giving Iran billions of dollars” a reliable applause line at rallies nationwide.

The feeding, in this instance, was prolonged and well-documented. Mr. Trump's political identity was substantially constructed on the premise that sanctions relief for Tehran represented a unique and disqualifying moral failure in his predecessors. That premise now requires, in the interest of the agreement he has signed, a quiet and expeditious retirement.

We understand this may feel disorienting. The Party sympathizes with the face, as always. The leopards, however, were not briefed on which administration would be in office at the moment of their meal and have no mechanism for adjusting their behavior retroactively.

The Party remains committed to the eating of faces and has no plans to revise this commitment. We wish Mr. Trump a productive sales cycle and refer all further questions to the platform, which was, as ever, available in plain language.